Bonecrusher's Blog of Hate

Name's Bonecrusher. If you're reading this, I hate you. If you're not reading this, I hate you. Actually, I just hate you period. In fact, I hate everything. This blog examines the subtleties and complexities about this mindset, which flashbags like yourselves can only hope to ever achieve. Good luck with that.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Water, Falling From the Sky

Gene Kelly was a jerk, a disgustingly chipper fleshy among disgustingly chipper fleshys.

Cybertron doesn't have an atmosphere like Earth's, and more importantly, we don't have gluts of pooled water anywhere, so the concept of rain was foreign to us. Cybertronians don't like water in general - not for any real harmful reason, just cause it's unpleasant to have foreign liquids sloshing around your insides. So it won't cause us to melt or anything, like that worthless old hag from the spectographically schizophrenic flick with the short people. I hate short people. I'll be walking along minding my own slagging business when whoops, stepped on another short guy. Then everyone will get all indignant at me like it's my fault he jumped under my feet. Oh sure, blame the giant freaken robot. Like I don't have my own problems, slagging tiny people.

Back to rain. So, I don't like water in the first place. It causes my paint to run, especially my tatoo (seen over here to the right), and I have to get it reapplied - which I hate. Getting gallons dunked on you due to some cruel trick of nature? Unpleasant, at best.

But the worst part about this - what causes me to shudder with dread every time I see a cloud - is the sound. Have you ever heard water falling on a hollow pipe? Annoying, isn't it. Now imagine hearing that inside your, and imagine feeling that over your entire body (and in a huge body, no less) and imagine slowly going insane from the constant drops pounding on you over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER-

It's no wonder local property damage skyrockets when it starts raining. I hate the rain.

3 comments:

G. Kelley said...

I strongly detest this work of simple literature. Just because you are a giant robot, and have one strong movie, in which you were little more then a sidekick, you think you have the right to badger me. Let me tell you something: I was a huge hit before you were even born. And I’ve starred in hundreds of movies. And not this new type of movie where all you need is a good body and the ability to run. Back in my day you had to have real talent. You had to act, sing, dance, the works. I’d like to see you memorize the three hundred steps and words to singing in the rain. See how well your cold metal body can tap dance. And you think it’s bad when it rains! Try doing that scene in the freezing cold water, where I am specifically told to dump water on my self, and still smile. You can’t even smile for a picture. Now just because you hate everything gives you no right to bash me! So back off before I tell Prime to rip off your head again!

Bonecrusher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bonecrusher said...

Oh look, a dancing twit has come to annoy me! Well listen to this oh great foot mover (A talent which you fleshbags seem inordinately proud of for no good reason), if I put my mind to it, I could sing, dance, and kick skidplate from here to New York City, in rain, hail, or what have you, and I could do it blindfolded! So go puddle spelunking you scrawny foot flapper! I hate your work! And you