Bonecrusher's Blog of Hate

Name's Bonecrusher. If you're reading this, I hate you. If you're not reading this, I hate you. Actually, I just hate you period. In fact, I hate everything. This blog examines the subtleties and complexities about this mindset, which flashbags like yourselves can only hope to ever achieve. Good luck with that.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

It's Not Easy, Being Green

Two toys wasn't enough. No, Hasbro has not even begun to destroy my image properly.

You see, apparently there is this clause in the contract that states that not only are they allowed to turn my face to a misshapen plastic lump, but if they run out of robots to make toys of, they are allowed to make my first toy again, but this time in horrendously gaudy colors.
Isn't that the single ugliest color for a truck you've ever, ever seen? Apparently, I know have the ability to blend in well with green highways. Oh, I'm sure that will be useful.

What possible explanation could they have for this? Oh wait, here's the bio:
"Barely functional after his battle with OPTIMUS PRIME®*, BONECRUSHER crawled away from the scene of his defeat and hid. Effecting what few repairs he could on his own, he also removed his locator beacon and communications hardware, cutting himself off entirely from the other surviving DECEPTICONS®*. Fleeing south, farther and farther, he eventually found himself deep in the jungles of South America. Hidden in the most remote area on Earth, he is free to indulge his rage on the rainforest without interruption. "

Right. I crawled away with my head torn off and repaired myself. Did Hasbro watch this freaken film they paid for? For slagging Sludge sideways, can't you fleshbags comprehend that I died in the movie? I don't want to come back, and these repaints are the reason why!

Oh, how I dread the robot mode...
Wait... On my arms... is that... baby blue?

Excuse me, I have to go cry. Or kill myself. Maybe both.

3 comments:

138 Scourge said...

Three toys, Bonecrusher...

You got the regular, the Legends, and then the happy lil' Robot Heroes toy.

I know you love the Robot Heroes toy...

"For slaggin' Sludge sideways" is the greatest thing I've read today.

Kremzeek! said...

I hate that thing, too.

Anonymous said...

GAH! What will they do next, put fragging SPARKLES on your claw?