Bonecrusher's Blog of Hate

Name's Bonecrusher. If you're reading this, I hate you. If you're not reading this, I hate you. Actually, I just hate you period. In fact, I hate everything. This blog examines the subtleties and complexities about this mindset, which flashbags like yourselves can only hope to ever achieve. Good luck with that.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Hollywood

The most common thing fleshings say to me - well, the second most common, the most common is screaming and running in fear - is 'Hey, I loved that Movie you were in.'

Well, despite being an international star because of it, 'that movie', which I shall not name, was one of the most horrible and degrading, in fact I dare say HATED, experience of my life. Never mind the 14 buses I had to smash through for that one shot, never mind the pain of getting your head nearly ripped off by Prime (Yes, that was actually me. They were too slaggin cheap to hire a stunt double. Yes, it did nearly get ripped off before movie magic took over. It really, REALLY hurt.), and never mind that the Director, one Mr.Bay, is an egotistical jerk who doesn't care how much his subjects suffer so long as he gets his shot (Oh how I hate him...), I'm still upset about the fact that I had to film a 40 minute car Chase sequence only to see it get trimmed down to 3. Three. Whole. Minutes. Time it if you don't believe me. I mean, what is that? I was all over the slaggin trailers, and that bus shot was the iconic shot for the movie! THREE MINUTES! Out of the entire 12 painful, horrible days I spent trying to film this 'perfect', 'glorious' chase sequence Michael Bay first sold me on (Actually, I hated the original idea too, but I needed the Cash.), all I get is two car flips and the bus smash.

This is, of course, typical of Hollywood as a whole. They love screwing working bots over. Not that it matters, since working bots don't deserve a days wages - fat, lazy slobs, all of them. I hate them all.

Now where was I? Oh yes. Michael Bay. After I finally saw that idiot film which in no way deserved the heaps of cash you organ sacks threw at it, I confronted Bay on why, exactly, my 40 minute chase scene had become three. I believe he said something along the lines of 'Budget Cuts'. After he the rescue workers removed his head from the steel beam I had implanted it in, he kindly informed me that I would not be back for the sequel. They had to fix two dents in that beam that day.

So now me, as a defunct actor, am hopping from studio to studio hoping for a decent role for a giant robot. The only offer so far has been for 'Transmorphers 2: Death Apocalypse Revisted', and also for this little project titled 'Go-Bots'. Needless to say, I am still unemployed, living on a measly Decepticon Veteran's salary.

In short, I hate Hollywood. Any questions? I thought not.

4 comments:

Cyberwolf said...

No Transformers 2 offers?! You were the best thing that happened to that flick. The whole, measely 3 minutes you were in it. What kinda slag is that?!

I'm sure they'll try to use the whole, "You got your head cut off, so you're dead in the continuity" BS they feed everyone, but look at Frenzy. That little spazoid had his head cut off and did he get sent to the scrap heap? No! He got right up and kept going. So, why can't you?! Slagging Hollywood!

Anyway, I hate this blog and I hate you, Bonecrusher. Keep up the good work!

Soundwave said...

Mr. Bay screwed me over as well. I should of been in the movie instead of that slagging Blackout. I am the original communications expert of the Decepticons. Michael Bay needs to pay me for that part not Blackout

Rurudyne said...

Well, the 'bots and 'cons could have got more screen time if M.B. hadn't chose the very first T.F.Movie to be, for all intensive purposes, the G.I.Joe crossover too.

Think about it.... I mean, sure, they didn't yell "Yo Joe!" but there was a whole lot more of them than was necessary. Even when compared to the original RID G1 episodes (as flawed as they were).

Then there's the X-Files or M.I.B. rip off aspect too ... but this dead horse was already tenderized enough before mentioning that. ^.–

Arcee said...

I would have been in the movie if it weren't for them confused over explaining 'female Transformers'. Sexist slags.