My Image, as Ruined By Toys

Apparently, somewhere in the contract I signed, there was a clause that said 'Oh yeah, and Hasbro gets to horribly butcher your mug and shove it on a waste of plastic, for three year olds to abuse'. I wish I had known that ahead of time.

But once I found out the existence of these monstrosities, I knew I had to see one for myself, before I could go and trash Hasbro HQ in vengeance. So, after much searching, I found me.

This is the first thing I saw:
Ok, I suppose this isn't the most horrible thing in the world. I mean, sure the claws in the wrong place and mishapen, and they forgot my tatoo on one side (It is present on the other), but it's not the most horrible thing I've ever seen, this might not be too bad-

AIIIYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE! What have they DONE to me? They made me look like some sort of demented frog. Look at my scrawny little arms, it's pathetic! And that pose! What, are they trying to convey a message of 'I want to hug you'? I cannot believe a respected action figure franchise has done this to my image.

Even now, thousands of little children are playing with this thing, making my toy get killed by Optimus Prime because all it has is its special hugging powers. This is horrendous, a travisty, disgusting! Not that I expected better from you fleshbags, but man, if I didn't already loathe you with every fiber of my being, I certainly would now.

At least I got it better then Starscream.

This, however, is the least of their abominations. I'll show you what else they've done to me tomorrow. As for me, I need to go smash some buses. Or something.