So, apparently you mindless little skin sacks have a big sports event coming up this weekend. But before I explore that, a word on Cybertronian sports.
The closest thing we developed to what you humans call 'Sports' was the Gladiator Pits. It was from this underground network that I, Megatron, and most of the other top-tier Decepticon's got their start. The Pits were a glorious mess of death and carnage. They were brutal - 9/10 times, the loser died. I rarely lost. Megatron never did. Good times. I hated them.
The Autobots, of course, banned the Pits as soon as they found out about them. That's part of what lead to the Decepticon Revolution. So in a way, we Decepticons have our roots in sports.
And now, I can only hope your football players get up the nerve to do the same.
So when I found out this 'Superbowl' thing - thanks to Skywarp, Thundercracker and Blitzwing, who are all major ESPN fans now - I decided to look a little more in to it.
For a brief moment, I thought you humans had found something almost worthwhile. Eleven guys on each side line up, pause, then beat the living slag out of each other for no good reason. Then I realized they were fighting for a ball - and not even a normal ball, some ugly shaped one. It went down hill from that point - ridiculous rules (Unnecessary roughness? Really?), a bizarre point-system that makes no sense, and this sickening sense of teamwork between the players. Ugh, and I was so hopeful. And why is it called Football, anyway? The ball rarely touches anybody's foot. That's sad.
So basically my advice to you is to strip all that out, and just play 'Beat the Slag Out Of Each Other Ball'. Much better game, I would think.
So Sunday is the big football game, and Skywarp already insists that I come and watch it. I'll beat the slag out of him, then do it anyway, so I can mock it. The teams this year are apparently the 'Patriots' (I don't really need to say how stupid this name is, do I?) and the Giants (Better, but they do not look like Giants to me. They look like scrawny little flesh sacks, just like the lot of you.) Yeah, this sounds reaaaalll exciting. Enjoy watching your stupid game, Fleshlings.
Incidentally, my Energon Chips are on a scoreless game being won by the Giants in the last minute due to a bad call by a referee. That's how these things always turn out.
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3 comments:
Ahh the gladiator pits, those were fun times. If only the Autobots didn't stop them, then the Autobots would have their peace, and we would get all the destruction we want. It's a win/win situation. Slag those goody Autobots! Destroy them all!
I hate football anyway, so I don't really care.
It'd be more fun if the quarterback could rip someone's head off in the middle of a play, though.
I had security detail on that event. I was really hoping that, either you or one of the seekers would show up just so I'd have something interesting to do. I would have even let you play the game your way.
Good call by the way.
-Jazz
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