Mondays Are Mail Days

In case you forgot.

Dear Bonecrusher,

How does this "hating everything" deal work, anyway? Do you simply hate existence itself and, by extension, everything else automatically? Or do you just take things on a case-by-case basis, evaluating everything, and just happen to always end up hating it?

I guess what I'm asking is, is it theoretically possible that you might someday discover something you actually liked?

Your inexplicable fan,
Andy

Excellent question Andy. Yes, I do evaluate the universe on a case-by-case basis. For example, let's take you. You've already shown that you have too much free time by sending me an email, and the email is far-too-polite, which suggests either a holier-than-thou attitude, or you're really naive enough to respect me. Both of these, of course, are traits that I would hate. So already I've come up with a fairly good basis for hating you. Now, if I had met you in person, I could also determine that you were either A) Ugly, B) Too Good Looking, or C) Decidedly Average, all of which are qualities that are annoying, as well as more reasons to discriminate against you based on your height, weight, age, hair color, eye color, tone of voice, clothes that you wear, and the general look on your face. As you can see, I can easily find all sorts of reasons to begin hating you.

It is possible, in theory, that I will run into something I don't hate. But previous experience has taught me not to expect that, or even consider it a viable theory.

NEXT.

Hello again, Bonecrusher.

I'm currently on one of those dreaded road trips right now, and
finally got some time to sit down and hop onto the computer so I could
read your blog. I just happened to think something as I read your
most recent posts. If you hate being a Decepticon so much, does that
mean that somewhere deep down inside you, you secretly wish you were
an Autobot even though you claim to hate them?

Rin

No. The Autobots are oppressive, tyrannical, moronic, and dare to hide behind the concept of justice. The Decepticons are exactly the same, but at least we have the good graces to be open about. Though I hate them, they are the lesser of two evils. Plus they are less likely to yell at me when I break bystanders heads.

And good luck surviving your road trip. And by 'good luck', I mean 'I hope your car breaks down in the middle of the desert.'