Bonecrusher's Blog of Hate

Name's Bonecrusher. If you're reading this, I hate you. If you're not reading this, I hate you. Actually, I just hate you period. In fact, I hate everything. This blog examines the subtleties and complexities about this mindset, which flashbags like yourselves can only hope to ever achieve. Good luck with that.

Friday, March 7, 2008

Vote Hate, 08

After thinking long and hard about this, and talking with my new campaign manager (Blackout) I have reached an inescapable conclusion that has led to an inevitable decision, one that I know I'm going to regret.

Your planet is in desperate need of a real leader, and none of you humans are truly fit for the job. You are plagued by war, disease, famine and who-knows-what else. These are dark times for your planet. You wander through life guideless, trying desperately to please everyone around you, and for what? Petty personal advancement?

It's time your species changed.

Which is why I, Bonecrusher, have decided to run for President of the United States.

A vote for me is a vote for integrity. I do this not because I want the job (and you can rest assured about that fact - because I'd hate it), but because I feel a deep need to whip your species into shape. Your species need a uniter, and I will be that uniter (because those who oppose me won't live very long).

A vote for me is a vote for someone you can trust to be consistent (hate), to stand up for his principals (hate), and to always be completely honest. I will never lie. I will never suck up to any group; I will tell them exactly what I think of their stupid ideas.

A vote for me is a vote for strength and security. I guarantee that all wars on your planet will end shortly after I come to office, by my own fist, if I have too. Unlike other cowardly Presidents of the past, I will make sure this happens personally. I will have no tolerance for lawbreakers and rebels, and you can rest assured that anyone defying me will be pummeled into submission. I will also make sure no foreign (by which I mean extraterrestrial) threats will bother Earth, by conquering Quintessa, just in case they try anything.

A vote for me is a vote for change. Real change. You will not be able to recognize this planet once I'm through with it. Things will change, and clearly for the better.

A vote for me is a vote against evil lobbying groups. I will not accept their money - I have no need for such a thing. Instead, I will kill them. I vote for me is a vote for dead lobbyists. And who doesn't want more of those? Lawyers too. Instead of being influenced by lobbyists, all decisions will be made solely on the basis of which side I hate more. I can assure you I will see all negatives to all issues presented to me.

A vote for me is a vote for experience. I've been around far longer than any human has ever been, and I have seen far more. Be assured, you will not be letting someone with a mere 60 years of life under their belt into the office, but one who has lasted for thousands of years.

Why settle for the lesser of all evils? Vote for Bonecrusher this November, and bring about a change in the World.

If you are saying to yourself 'Bonecrusher, your ideas make sense to me. How can I help?', then you need more help than I thought. Please send all your money to me, and help raise the chances of getting someone you know will hate you into office. If you have no money, at least spread this around the internet, and get the word out! Hey, it worked for Howard Dean, didn't it?


Anonymous said...

That's cool that you're running for president now. I might have to vote for you. I've got a question for you, though. If you do become president, who's going to be vice-president?


Mike said...

I see now.


You present a good I may actually decide to cast a vote for you come November...

It's a start. You need to campaign more. Make yourself known. Make appearances, get to know your fellow people... on second thought, never mind.

Oh well, Bonecrusher for '08!

- Mike

Soundwave said...

you have Soundwave's vote. A Decepticon for president of America, better than an Autobot.

Spekkio said...

Bonecrusher, what are your positions on the issues?
-War on Terror
-Bears (#1 threat to America)
-Legal status of Mini-cons
-Diplomatic relations with other nations
-Diplomatic relations with other planets (Jungle Planet, Speed Planet, Giant Planet, Cybertron....)

And also - the U.S Constitution says that you must be born in the United States to be president. How do you handle that?

Grimlock said...

Me Grimlock, president-to-be!

Anonymous said...

Mr. Crusher, before deciding if I should support you or simply be crushed into paste, I must ask your opinion on the current NAFTA rules.

Bonecrusher said...

I will do a Q&A on Monday. Leave questions here, or Email Me and I will clarify my Platform for all of you.