My Inbox Is Weeping

It seems that every time I open my mailbox, another couple of you twits have decided to bother me. I'm arbitrarily declaring Monday's mail day so I don't have to do this every time I sit down.

Bonecrusher,

I am a big fan of the European exclusive Turbomasters and Predators. Please tell me why I should hate them as much as the barely-functioning wireless network at the UTDallas student housing.

Thanks,
Chris

Because they are bad toys. Duh. And you should be thankful for the bad internet connection - it keeps you from reading all the other useless stuff dumped on the internet.

Hey there, Bonecrusher.

You know what really irritates me? The fact that there are so many
people on the road who just don't know how to drive. Of course, when
I say people, I mean humans. I don't wanna offend any of you
transformers. Every time you flip on the news, you hear about these
'horrific accidents' in which nobody survives, everyone gets sent to
the ER, or the one at fault was just plain drunk. They always wonder
why there are so many accidents, but it just seems like they will give
a drivers license to just about anybody nowadays. I can't tell you
how many 'accidents' I've almost been in because humans just don't
know how to drive. Have you or any other Decepticon that can drive
ever had to deal with these 'accidents' that were caused by human
drivers?

Rin

Rin, you have no idea. Every time I go past a wreck on the road, I feel a deep sense of regret that I was not there to make the crash claim about 20 more cars. I am a firm and deep believer in the driving philosophy you humans call 'Road Rage' - that is, if someone makes me mad enough, I have every right to send their car flying off an overpass.

The worst part is how indignant the human drivers get, like they don't realize I've spent the last couple thousand years fighting a war, or something. If anything gives me a right to rule the road, it's that. But the real problem happens when an Autobot gets in your way. Remember that scene in the idiot movie I was in where me and Prime got in a big brawl on the middle of a freeway? Well, Bay, that unoriginal cheapskate, got the idea from an actual incident involving Runabout and Tracks - except what really happened is that Tracks was driving too slow in the passing lane, and Runabout got reeaaaaallly mad about it, and insulted Tracks Paintjob (Ugly with Flames. Like Bay's Prime, come to think of it.), then Tracks responded with a comment about Runabout's oil filter, and one thing led to another, and well, you know. I'm doubt there were any survivors that day.

And you are absolutely right about the stupidity of human drivers, but I have a hideous feeling that it comes with the territory.