Bonecrusher's Blog of Hate

Name's Bonecrusher. If you're reading this, I hate you. If you're not reading this, I hate you. Actually, I just hate you period. In fact, I hate everything. This blog examines the subtleties and complexities about this mindset, which flashbags like yourselves can only hope to ever achieve. Good luck with that.

Monday, January 28, 2008


Now, it should come as no surprise to you that I hate Autobots. It should come as no surprise that there isn't a Decepticon in the galaxy who won't tell you the same thing, and it should come as no surprise that they hate us right back.

You see, the Autobot/Decepticon war began when the Autobots attacked us (Depending on who you believe). I wasn't around for the start of it, but if we attacked them first, I'm sure they deserved it. Whatever happened, the initial skirmish blossomed out of control and it took a couple hundred thousand years to sort it all out.

By the time we got here, the war had ended, and the Autobot's had won on a technicality. Most Decepticon's aren't happy about that. It also didn't help that they got to Hasbro first, and thus every bit of our portrayal on this stupid planet has painted us as the 'bad guys'. It makes you want to blow up a bunch of innocent bystanders.

It also gave the Autobot's this insufferable attitude of smugness. Like, for example, this email I received recently.

Ahhh My Dear Bonecrusher,

I see your self therapy is coming along quite nicely. I wouldn't peg you as an Oprah watcher but I'm assuming your are. She's always talking about how journals are a good way to get out all your anger. You can't help it if you always get your butt kicked in the end. That would make me hate too. I know that you will never get over that fact which makes me a happy bot. I will get to look forward to more wonderful rants that my fellow Autobots and I find extremely entertaining. I won't ask you what you hate. I already know.


Self therapy? Oprah? Journals? What the slagging heck is this guy blabbing about? I have clearly stated that I only do this for the benefit of you poor humans who don't know the first thing about hatred.

So listen, 'Jazz' (And have I mentioned that Autobot's also pick the stupidest Earth names for themselves? I mean, really), you may think you're a top notch psychiatrist diagnosing me from the internet, but really, you're just another pathetic Autobot scumbag who shoulda been eradicated along with the rest of your kind. I hate Oprah, and I'm fairly sure I don't need to list reasons for that (though it wouldn't surprise me if a bunch of sissy's like yourselves routinely showed up to her shows to get the worthless free slag she dolly's out like candy), and self-therapy is the idea of oversensitive twit brains who have no problems of their own. And to top that off, I don't have a problem - I revel in it. So you can bite my fender.

In fact, I think I'll diagnose you with 'extreme idiocy'. Sadly, the only cure for that is a good solid pounding. I would be pleased to administer treatment, if you'll hold still long enough for me to catch you.


Anonymous said...

What Bonecrusher is better? Jazz is a cool name.

Your blog made my day, very entertaining. You should know that by nature I'm a smug 'bot. But I prefer the term confident over smug.


Weasel said...

Dude, if you didn't have the Autobots, who the heck would you beat up? Humans squish too easy you know.