Bonecrusher's Blog of Hate

Name's Bonecrusher. If you're reading this, I hate you. If you're not reading this, I hate you. Actually, I just hate you period. In fact, I hate everything. This blog examines the subtleties and complexities about this mindset, which flashbags like yourselves can only hope to ever achieve. Good luck with that.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A Day At the Movies

So, I went to the Cinema the other day. Now, it's not often I will tolerate human produced slag, but this one piqued my curiosity. It's called Cloverfield (Why, I haven't the faintest), and it's about a giant thing destroying stuff. Now, in my mind, that's a formula so simple that even you humans couldn't get it wrong. Well, YOU DID. But more on that in a minute.

First, I want to give you the quick impressions I had while trying to get into the theater.
- Traffic: Lousy
- Parking: Also Lousy. It's times like these I'm glad I don't have too. Suckers.
- Popcorn: 24$ a Bucket, and Lousy
- Seats: Too Small, Uncomfortable, Not Designed For Cybertronian Rears
- Floor - I don't want to know what it was that caused my feet to stick
- Service - Lousy
- Theater Tickers - More Overpriced then the Popcorn
- Crowd - Obnoxious and Noisy
- Previews - For movies no one in their right mind would ever even consider seeing.

So, as you've probably figured out, I was already not in the best of moods when the movie itself actually started.

You humans have this thing about not wanting to know the end of the movie, so it's only fair I give you a heads up: Don't waste your time.

Nobody warned me this movie wasn't actually about a bunch of fleshsacks running, panting, gasping, screaming, and generally being obnoxious. It's an hour and a half of that. Fortunately, they are all put out of their misery in various painful looking ways, so I give the movie props for that. Unfortunately, the movie itself never wants to actually show you what's being destroyed. Which is really, really, a cop out. So with my only reason for wanting to see the movie lost in the background, I found myself desperate to go out and show this idiots how to *really* tear up a major metropolitan area. Sadly, that would require another roadtrip, and I'm not about to do that again.

A couple humans there also complained about the camera movement making them sick, and sense anything that makes humans miserable is fine by me, I'll let them get away with it.

Overall, I hated the movie. Such an opportunity for you humans to almost redeem yourselves, and you fail miserably. As expected. You fleshbags suck. Hate more, slaggit!

5 comments:

Nic said...

Bonecrusher you big ol fluff cloud we hate you to in a we are your friend type of way

Soundwave said...

You need to toughen up more Boncrusher. Megatron will turn you to slag if he knew you actually softened up on us.

Bonecrusher said...

Cry me a river, Soundwave. You always were a pansy. If you think I'm going soft, I dare you to come and say that to my face. It would be fun inverting your faceplate. If would make you look less ugly then you already are.

Anonymous said...

So when you say not made for Cybertronian Rears, you mean nerds with fat asses, right?

Soundwave said...

Okay, Bonecrusher, you have proven you havent sofened up. No need to go haywire about it.