Emails, Shmemails

You guys are severely lacking on the email department. I hate my lack of creativity in deciding new topics, so send me some, lest I hunt you down and pummel you.

Dear Bonecrusher,

Speaking of Devastator, whose idea was it anyone to combine all of you fools? I have to admit I kind of miss seeing you all together and trying to do something (I say something because I was never sure what the bunch of you were actually trying to accomplish). You made for great entertainment.

-Jazz

You remember Megatron's 'Giant Purple Griffin'? The same guy who came up with that, with similar success results. If you haven't noticed, our leader was not the cream of the crop as far as doomsday inventions go. The sad part is that we were one of the more successful ones.

The next email... Well, I've been ignoring this guy, and I'll show you why. I don't really need to comment on it, but unless you guys step up, this is the kind of email I will be forced to answer.

I hate you! I hate you! Hate you, hate you, hate you!

Stole your lines, didn't I?

Oh, wait you don't have any lines!!!!

I suggest you contact Anita Life. She'll help you.

Anita Life.

Anita Life.

Anita Life.










"I need a life?" You sure do!

-Kremzeek!

See what I have to deal with?

I've had a Headache for 6 weeks straight now. And people wonder why I'm so grumpy.

Cybertronian headaches are similar to human headaches, except ours are caused by biomechanical feedbacks, and often whistle loud enough for other people to hear them. So, in addition to annoying you, you get the added benefit of annoying everyone else in a 100 foot radius as well. As you can probably guess, I hate them.

Sadly, there is no miracle pill for a Cybertronian headache. We don't have tylenol, or advil, or any of that slag. We just have to sit here and suffer.

Or, alternatively, we could make everyone suffer with us. Wrecking houses is a great stress reliever, do you know that? Of course, now property values in the area are plummitting, so now would probably be a good time to invest.

Now, I'm going back to my stasis nap. If anyone dares wake me up, trust me, it will not be pleasant.

Devestator

I got another email in my inbox that deserves it's own post.

Hey there, Bonecrusher.

I've been keeping an eye out for any news for the Transformers sequel that I can manage to get my hands on. I've heard that the Constructicons might be in the Transformers sequel, but if that were the case wouldn't that mean they'd have to bring you back, or would they just do a bunch of name changes since some of the names were used in that last movie?

Rin

I certainly hope not. If they offer me the role, I won't turn it down, but I'd hate it. You see, there's nothing I hate more about my past then that stupid Devestator fiasco.

Let me tell you about combining, and why I hate it. Imagine feeling completely powerless, like a big marble statue, unable to move or do anything. Now imagine the biggest flock of pidgeons you've ever seen.

That's about what it's like to be Devestators arm. Essentially, it's like trying to take a nap, but 5 other guys are arguing in your head, and somebody keeps whacking your tailgate against something hard. And then sometimes they make you hold the gun, then blame you when you miss. If you haven't tried it, it's really freaken hard to shoot out of what is essentially your rear end. Especially when you're a bad shot anyway.

And the bickering. We Constructicons hate each other, and that's not just because of me. Scrapper is a freaken wuss, Hooks is a prick, Long Haul's dumb as all get out, Mixmaster is just plain obnoxious, and we don't talk about the other guy. Now throw all of us into the same head space, and essentially you have a bigger disaster than Megatron and Optimus's last peace talk.

In short, combining really SUCKS. Is it any wonder I ditched them to go out alone? And you stupid Transfans keep asking for more Devestator repaints, and since Hasbro still has their grubby hands on my good name, that means I get to keep seeing my name attached to these mix matched freaks.

I hate it.

Some Email Today

No, I'm not going back into politics. That bridge has been burned. Thank Frenzy for that.

Apparently 'I Have No Life' Kreemzeek has been signing me up for more slag. Thanks buddy. I appreciate it. Hope you like being squished.

So, only one 'real' email today.

Bonecrusher,

Have you heard of a human holiday as April Fool's Day and if so, what is your opinion on it? (Besides the fact that you hate it...) Did you prank anyone at all or what?

Do you have any ideas that you can come up with that you'd be willing to share? I have this particular teacher at school who is a total "S.O.B." and want to get back at him for all the crap he's put me through in his classroom! I have some ideas but they're really pathetic...I hate to admit it but I really need help with this.

-Veronique

In case you missed it, Frenzy got the drop on me on this 'April Fools Day'. You know, I really can't understand why you humans would have a day dedicated to lying to other people. As a whole, you're not that deceptive of a race, unlike, say the Quintessons, who would have entire years devoted to that activity, or, of course, Decepticons, who named ourselves for it.

All I know is it annoys the slag out of me.

As for your problem, I am no advice columnist, so why are you asking me? My sole advice consist mostly of smashing straight through whatever it is that I hate at the moment, but sadly, fleshy bodies are not designed to take that kind of abuse. I guess you'll just have to suffer. Which, of course, is fine by me.

New Layout and Dropping Out

It took for. slagging. EVER to clean out everything Frenzy did to my account, the slagging wireframe. When I get my hands on him, he's a dead bot. A very dead bot.I hate him.

And because of him, I'm dropping out of the Presidential race. In addition to hacking my blog, that wireframed glitch went through my personal files and leaked it to the press. Now the press (read: Reflector) is threatening to expose all the people I've flattened. Not that I mind, but apparently there's laws about this sort of thing. Who decided that? Not any Cybertronian with a head on his shoulders, I'll tell you that. It was a worthless gesture anyway. You slagger's aren't ready for a Cybertronian President. Yet. Maybe in 2012. Maybe.

Also, you'll notice, things look different. Frenzy did a lot a damage, and besides, I hated the old look anyway. This one's not much better, but it will do. Leave feedback, and give me more things to hate by Monday, or else I'll hate you all.

More. I'll hate you all more.

WHAT THE SLAGGING HECK IS GOING ON HERE???

Frenzy, you slagging little scrap heap, what did you DO? It's going to take ages to fix this1 When I get my hands on you, you're going to be a can opener for the rest of your miserable life!

AWESOME Colors!

For some reason people always ask me whether I am red or blue and I never understood the question I mean do I look red or blue to you? I'm more of a silver greyish though my eyes are blue so I guess I could be considered blue but I don't think it counts and besides neither of these are really AWESOME enough to be me, besides where did that come from anyway, I'm not red and I'm not blue so why do people keep asking me that can't they see for themselves unless maybe they are blind and I think being blind would not be awesome because you can't see awesome things if you are blind so if you're blind I'm sorry and I hope the rest of your life is awesome anyway.