Bonecrusher's Blog of Hate

Name's Bonecrusher. If you're reading this, I hate you. If you're not reading this, I hate you. Actually, I just hate you period. In fact, I hate everything. This blog examines the subtleties and complexities about this mindset, which flashbags like yourselves can only hope to ever achieve. Good luck with that.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Email Day

Finally, some emails that are worth responding to. Thank Primus.

Dear Fellow Decepticon.

As one of the new grunts on earth, I'm still confused about the "great war" (aka: how badly Hasbro AND TAKARA nerfed it).

Things got REALLY nuts when they started using the GO-BOTS' Name for even MORE kid-friendly dollar.

I bring this up because a new re-paint has been made for an old Renegade named Crasher (dubbed Fracture for legal reasons).

Did the Cybertron and Gobotron ever meet during the war or on Earth, or did the just get the same bum rap you did?


The story I'm about to tell is long and sad, so I'll shorten it. As I've already explained, Hasbro (in partnership with Takara) made a deal with the Autobots to use characters and stories from the great war for a kids cartoon. And what a slagging awful kids cartoon it was. But it was also the one who got famous.

Now here's the side of the story you don't often hear. This was actually a Decepticon idea - namely, Swindle's. Who's always out for a quick buck, and it sadly, no longer among the living (Primus burn his spark in the pit for eternity). And this is why.

You see, Swindle approached Tonka with the idea. They were enthralled. Unfortunately, Swindle didn't have the good graces to keep anything grounded in reality, and Go-Bots from Gobotron is what we got. When Megatron saw this, he was furious. And that's why Swindle is no longer among the living, and why Go-Bots is now reduced to the kids line within the kids line of Transformers.

Ok, I couldn't resist. I contacted Blackarachnia, advising her of a particular decepticon that is feeling a bit "low". She offered to come over and give you a little "cheering up" ...Bonecrusher, style of course. I'm sure, after your run-in with that ONE Autobot, that you have a few dents and scratches that need a little buffing out. She said that, as soon as she's done with Starscream, she'd be right over.

Well, I've had my fun for the day! Enjoy.


Ahh, Black Arachnia. I dated her once, but so did every other Decepticon in existence, and most of the Autobots, come to think of it. That spider can get around. Fortunately, I'm sure she's smart enough not to drop by my place, since she knows that if I ever see her again, she's going to a laser blast to the face.

Even I have to admit she's got a strange allure about her, one no transformer can really explain. Maybe it's her exotic organic form, or maybe those legs, all 8 of them. All we can really say is that after a bot falls head-over-heels for her (Except, of course me. I just did it because I was bored. Also Frenzy, who for some strange reason is completely immune to her charms. I think it's because she stepped on him), she puts 'em to sleep, grabs their wallet and runs. It's really admirable, her tactics, now that I consider it. But of course, I also have to way that against the fact that the very reason I'm so cash-starved at the moment is entirely her fault. Yeah, I hate her.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Blackarachnia better keep her freakish paws off my Starscream!!!!