A Short Story

There was a time when I thought that there was nothing in the world I couldn't hate.

And after years of experience and searching, I have found that yes, there is nothing in the world I can't hate.

Just thought you should know that.


So, I'm taking a stasis nap the other day - yes a NAP. Even we need sleep once in awhile. What, you think it's easy running around 24/7 killing things and smashing people's houses? Well, I'd like to see you flesh sacks do better.

Ahem, where was I? Oh yes, nap. I was taking a nap the other day when, lo and behold, I was awaken by an obnoxious sound. Now, it takes a lot to wake me up, so as you can imagine, I was quite annoyed. For a brief moment, I was convinced that you humans had finally come up with an effective sonic weapon to use against us, and I was all prepared to go to war, when I realized what it was.

Do you humans really feel the need to flash bright lights and loud sirens every time one of you monkeys injures itself? Because it's ANNOYING. I have sensitive audials, and I hate that sound. If it weren't for a timely intervention by about 12 concerned Autobots, I would have smashed that thing in. It would have made my day slightly less hateful.

Thoughts

It would be mail day today, except for the fact that all the emails I got were from Kreemzeek and his psychotic friend Shinki. No email today.

So, in other news, I'm beginning to realize that with all the infighting in the various political parties, hate could have had a chance. Ah well, that bridge is burned.

Yesterday, I saw some nutjob on TV eating live bugs. It then occurred to me that if all fleshlings spent their time eating bugs, I might hate them a tad less. So, I encourage you to take up bug eating as a hobby. Especially spiders.

Frenzy, who I currently have locked in my basement, has been begging to get his claws on the internet again. He's a certified, genuine, net addict. I was going to kill him outright, but seeing him suffer like this is much more entertaining. His little pitiful cries are music to my audios.

That's all I have to say at the moment. That, and I hate you.

Botcon

Well, it's that time of year. The time of year when all us Cybertronians go into hiding, underneath our beds, whimpering. Yep, it's Botcon, when all the slavish fanboys drag themselves together into one seething mass of stupidity that could crush the mightiest spark.

Now you are well aware that Hasbro butchered our history, our species, and our names, and then threw it at Children for them to play with. I hate that. But, at least those are just kids. When adults are spending their time and money obsessing over toy robots, slagging heck, that's just plain creepy.

And Botcon is by far the worst of the lot. I mean, sweet holy Primus. What is up with that? Several thousand slovenly geeks drooling over special crappy repaints of toys with idiot ideas? (This year, they're doing Evil Autobots! How original. It's about time they listened to our propaganda.)

And worst of all are those dreaded cosplayers, who attempt to dress up for us for reasons entirely unknown. That's the stuff of nightmares, right there.

So by now, you've probably figured out why none of us has ever attended one of these things. We'd be dismantled by rabid fans 5 seconds after entry. And trust me, ain't a slagging one of us is risking that.

Also fangirls lusting after Starscream. WHY PRIMUS? WHY???

Just Because

Just in case some of you don't believe that email is becoming a veritable dumping ground of idiocy, allow me to offer this counterpoint:

HELLO HELLO! I LIKE PIE ITS SO PIELIKE! AND ALSO TACOOOOOOS!! I NEED A TACO OR I WILL EXPLODE! i do that sometimes. AND I MISS FRENZYS BLOG FRENZY COME BACK BC SUX!!!

--
--ShinkisRule

Yeah, that's all the energy I have for today.


I'll have some words about that upcoming fraud of a Transformer Convention by Friday.

Mail

Some words from the cesspool of spam that is my mailbox.

I love reading your blog. Not in a feel good way of course, because you are all Hatey McHaterson, but it's entertaining in a hateful way. How come you aren't on Twitter? I'd love to get tweets from you. Then you can tweet from your human cellular device while sloshing away at the new job. Elbow deep in human feces, I'm betting, will provide us with some awesomely hateful posts from you.

I know, you hate me for suggesting it...save it for Twitter!

Good luck at the new job!

M

No. I already slave myself to this blog and AIM, I don't need to become part of yet another global network of uninteresting people.

Do you really think your out of work?

Yeh, in the film you were "own" by Prime and scattered all over a freeway. However, I doubt Sector 7 would leave your parts out in the open like that. Further on in the film Barricade was no where to be seen (I could be wrong...I've only watched the film once). But maybe Barricade went back to get what was left of you and has taken you somewhere...to possibly wait for a way to put you back together. OR...maybe you where thrown into the abyss with megatron. Either way, when Soundwave (or Hook) arrives he just might find a way to bring you back. After all what would Devastator be without all 6 of you? Would the director come up with some completely new fill-in?

Just a ramblin thought.

-Jazz

I'm sorry, but unless you're Frenzy (or Waspinator), it's just a tad difficult to come back to life from getting your head chopped off. Ask Marie Antoinette. And besides, as I've said already, if I can at all possibly avoid it, I NEVER WANT TO BE PART OF DEVASTATOR AGAIN. Ever ever ever. They can go find some other chump bot to be the arm. Or, heaven forbid, the crotch.

Daleks, if you don't know, are overlarge R2D2-esque killing machines with a chewey organic center. Their goal in life is to exterminate everything other than themselves because they hate everything else and consider every other form of life inferior.

This rather reminds me of you. I was wondering why you hate them.

They have a philosophy of life that rather appeals to me. Sadly, the Daleks are about as useful as Reflectors alt mode, and just as dangerous. Nice try, but no dice.

We'll return after the following from our sponsers

Commercials these days suck.

I'm flipping my way through the TV channels, and as usual, there are more commercials than actual TV. I decided to wander through the realm of these commercials and transcribe what I observed.

1) Athletes Foot makes you wear soccer gear.

2) Unless you get 'Natural Male Enhancement' (I don't even want to know what that means), your marriage will disaolve.

3) Watching movies is more important than anything else in the world. (This one might be true).

4) Burgers are worth wrecking your car over.

5) Insurance companies do not make good commercials.

6) Other programs are inevitably better than the one you're watching right now.

7) Certain cologne makes women spontaniously wear less.

8) After that many commercials, the remote will magically embed itself in the TV, and I will leave the room in disgust.

Posting Schedules

As you may have noticed (Yeah, right, like you care), my posting schedules are, shall we say, in flux, at the moment.

The reason is because I finally realized my supply of money was too low. I hate that. So I got a job. In case you're wondering, I hate it.

I don't want to get into details, but let's just say I'm doing janitorial work. It's humiliating. I really, really hope that offer for TF2 comes through. They probably won't accept it, the slaggers. But, even a giant robot needs cash to survive, and since I hate begging, honest work it is.

If they survive another trip of my cleaning, that is.

The long and short of it is that I'll now be updating Monday and Saturday, and either Tuesday nights or Wednesday evenings, depending on my mood. Don't question it, or I'll stomp you.