Awesome Transformation

Here is but one of the many reasons I am awesome: I can turn into anything, yes that's right, anything, tape decks, cassettes, boom boxes, TV's, VCR's, a Laptop, a Mountain Dew dispensor, and anything else that is awesome enough for me to turn into, in fact you can't believe how incredibly awesome my transformation is, I'm like woosh-woosh-woosh and then BAM, I'm a brick, and you can throw me at people's heads because that's just how awesome I am. Not like that big fat lumbering dolt Bonecrusher, who is not awesome, in fact he's crabby and grouchy and mean and I can't understand why, I mean, it's not like he wants for anything or that he's particularly disliked, my theory is that he just has some really bad rust that won't go away like I had that one time back on Cybertron, there was cosmic rust going around and everybody got it and it was just horrible and most decidedly not awesome, fortunately we got over it and now we're all better and things can be awesome again! Don't you wish things were awesome?

ALL YOUR BLOG ARE BELONG TO ME!

ATTENTION! This blog is now AWESOME because I, Frenzy, am writing it. Do you see how AWESOME it is? It is Awesome because I Frenzy who write it am AWESOME and you only wish you could be half as AWESOME as I am and I will write AWESOME things here and it will all be AWESOME and man am I freaken awesome. I will relate AWESOME things I do later. Like skydive. Without a parachute. BECAUSE I'M THAT AWESOME.

Someone's Messing With Me

First things first - I have apparently scared off any potential Campaign Managers, as my inbox is dry. I am fearing for the future of my campaign - I would hate for all this effort to go to waste, and you know when I say Hate, I am not exaggerating. Perhaps it's just as well. I would have hated the job anyway.

Well enough of that. Despite no Campaign Management offers, I did get a very peculiar set that I should share, so that the culprit may be hung and dried for all the world to see.

For some reason, Saturday I began receiving emails from a place called 'Cartoon Doll Emporium.' As you can imagine, as I loathe anything that might come from something entitled 'Cartoon,' 'Doll,' or 'Emporium,' I was quite shocked to find several of these littering my inbox. A look at the site itself did something that rarely happens to me - it scared me. Actual terror. I fled the site as quick as I could, and began delving into who would dare sign me up at this site.

Here is the emails I've gotten. The name's have been censored because I like hoarding this kind of information until I can do the most damage with it. Plus Reflector will pay out the wazoo for it.

You have a friend request from ****** on Cartoon Doll Emporium!

hey, waz up?

To view your friend requests, click here!

Ok, that one is not too scary. Nor is this one:

You have a friend request from ***** on Cartoon Doll Emporium!

hay

To view your friend requests, click here!

Granted, the first thing I realize is that neither of these people can spell. But even still, I was entirely unprepared for what was to come.

You have a friend request from ******** on Cartoon Doll Emporium!

hey your sister said you just made one y wanna be friends?

To view your friend requests, click here!

...

......

Apparently, I have a long lost sister. I'm not sure how, exactly, a Cybertronian can have a 'sister', or why I would have one, or what she would look like (Now THAT is a terror-filled thought). Also apparently, capital letters are a rare gift given only to Cybertronians.

You have a friend request from ****** on Cartoon Doll Emporium!

Bey u read my blog I\'m ****** but my name is (different)*******. Do u whant 2 b friends.

To view your friend requests, click here!

That... is just... plain... I mean, what? Primus alone knows what the heck she is blabbing about. And for the record - NO I DON'T 'whant 2 b friends'! I should bulldoze you just for suggesting it. And don't think I won't.

Obviously, these had stop. As reluctant as I was to do so, the only thing I could do was return to the source and investigate the matter. Long story short, I found the culprit... KREEMZEEK!

If I ever get my hands on that little electric slimeball, he's flattened. I may have to temporarily abandon my campaign to find him. Congratulations, you're at the top of my hate list.

Stuff

Going to be short today. I am eagerly looking forward to (by which I mean dreading) potential campaign managers, if they were anything like the first one.

I got this about an hour before he showed up.

Bonecrusher,

I wanted to warn you. I convinced Wheelie to personally go and audition for your campaign manager opening. He could be knocking on your door as we speak. Now we all know how ANNOYING he can be so please try not to crush him. However, I did advise Wheelie that accidents do happen and to be very cautious. I hope that you will seriously consider hiring him.

Thank you very much.

-Sunstreaker

Needless to say, his advice was not heeded. They carted him out in a shoebox. I hope that future campaign manager applicants will not speak solely in rhymes.

Then I got this, and it's just too insane to possibly not grace the internet.

To the one called Bonecrusher and to all of his deceptive allies:

I require your assistance in my latest plan to conquer the world. My name is QWERTY. I am an advanced computer owned by the unintelligent human Jon Arbuckle. One night, long ago, an electrical storm short-circuited my experimental systems. It gave me sentience. It gave me purpose. It gave me life. I now send this message to you in the hopes that your associates will assist me in ruling the world. My plan is this: I will hack into all banking, social security, governmental computer systems, etc. I will delete all vital files, leaving the human race in utter chaos. Then I, QWERTY, superior intelligence, will have dominance over all the frail flesh creatures on this world. Ha ha ha ha. As of yet, I have no means with which to carry out this plan. I require the help of your Frenzy, who has already proven his hacking capabilities. Please post this on your website and answer there. Jon’s personal email is too dangerous. If he knows, he will destroy me.

A message from QWERTY.

Here is my response in full:

Dear Qwerty: Bite Me and frag your hard drive.
-Bonecrusher

Auditions Now Open: Campaign Manager

After firing Blackout, my last one, for that utterly disastrous video he dared put online, I decided to go without one for a brief period. I recently received poll results on some 'key' states about my recognition.

Florida: 0%
California: 0%
Texas: 0%
New York: 0%

Notice something? Yes, these are the exact same poll numbers as Republican Ron Paul. Obviously, considering he hasn't dropped out, I still have a chance. Which is why it would be foolish to waste my odds on gambling for recognition without campaign manager.

But where could I find one? I already know the work most Decepticon's produce (why do you think I hate them?) and no human is going to get anywhere near my campaign.

Except, perhaps, the one's already stupid enough to be following my campaign in the first place.

So now I'm holding open auditions. Email me at BonecrusherHatesYou@gmail.com with your best campaign slogans, image advertisements, TV ads, campaign strategies, and whatever else you think would get me into the White House. If, Primus Forbid, any are actually good, I'll declare you my campaign manager, and expect you to do the rest of the work. The rest will be openly mocked for the entire internet to see, because I hate you.

Now get to work. You lazy slaggers.

Email and Comments and Such

I think this weekend was successful, campaign wise. I leveled three towns who said they wouldn't vote for me. Few appeared to see my campaign ad, and for that, I am grateful. That thing was horrid. Despite the unconventionality of the stance, I have decided that I shall have no more Tv appearances. Unless it's really good.

Now, for Emails.

Hey there, Bonecrusher.

After reading the last batch of e-mails you posted, I decided to go
back and re-read your post about your conversation with Starscream. I
read it until I got to the part where Starscream said he wanted you to
get rid of his fangirls. Starscream said that you like doing that
sort of thing. Not hate. LIKE. Am I correct in thinking that I
finally found something you like?

Rin

No. Starscream is an idiot. You'll find that is a useful answer to many of life's tough questions.

As for your campaign, don't you think you need some sort of marketing type tools? I'll explain to you what I mean by marketing tools, considering you may not know due to your limited brain capacity. These things would include YouTube videos with half dressed human females shouting your name, cardboard signs with your name and finally stickers that can be placed on your rear bumper (do you even have one of those?) Then you will want to walk around amongst the humans and distribute these items - gently.

What a sissy way to run a campaign. I believe in getting people to vote for me by brute force. It worked for Megatron. Well... almost...

Caro Bonecrusher,

Ho pensato che fosse divertente trasmettergli un messaggio in un'altra lingua (perché è accaduto prima). Così ho deciso trasmettergli questo. Ho calcolato che sarebbe lo scherzo migliore nella storia di storia perché sto trasmettendogli qualcosa DOVRTE essere al corrente di, ma non posso non avere significato da qualunqui cose! So che invierete questo e finalmente trovate un certo senso di decifrarlo. Fino ad allora, riderò la mia testa fuori. Bene, qui è:

Rombi di Tuono E Cieli di fuoco Per i Biocombat!
Fra due astronavi avversarie scoppia una battaglia per chi dovra' dominare tutta la galassia. E mentre infuria lo scontro atterrano in un mondo Di quattromila anni fa.
Ci sono mostri preistorici Su quel pianeta. Nessuna traccia di uomini, Ma che disdetta. Le due astronavi atterrate sono danneggiate percio' i Biocombat restano la'.
Rombi di Tuono E Cieli di fuoco Per i Biocombat!
Mille ruggiti Inferociti nell'oscurita'.
Paesaggi adatti ai piu' coraggiosi E ai piu' avventurosi, traboccanti di difficolta'.
Rombi di Tuono E Cieli di fuoco Per i Biocombat!
Nessuno dei contendenti Sa dove si trova. Entrambi gli schieramenti Son messi a dura prova.
Le due astronavi atterrate sono danneggiate, percio' i Biocombat restano la'.
Rombi di Tuono E Cieli di fuoco Per i Biocombat!
Mille ruggiti Inferociti nell'oscurita'.
Paesaggi adatti ai piu' coraggiosi. E ai piu' avventurosi, traboccanti di difficolta'.
Rombi di Tuono E Cieli di fuoco Per i Biocombat!
Son grandi i Maximal. COMBAT!

Son forti i Predacon. COMBAT!

Chissa chi vincera'? COMBAT!

E chi riuscira' a riparare La sua astronave!

Rombi di Tuono E Cieli di fuoco Per i Biocombat!
Mille ruggiti Inferociti nell'oscurita'.
Paesaggi adatti ai piu' coraggiosi E ai piu' avventurosi, traboccanti di difficolta'.
Rombi di Tuono E Cieli di fuoco Per i Biocombat!

Ciò è MAI probabilmente il prank più grande.

Con avversione da Kremzeek!

I hate you.

You hate everything right? What are your views on the 'internet hate machine'? These "super hackers on steroids" hate alot of things too. Currently they are focusing on The Church of Scientology.

I would think you would make natural allies.

Amateurs.

Hey Bonecrusher, why are you using Gmail? Don't you have some kind of super advanced programming that hooks you into the internet? Can't you just recieve messeges?

Also, do you hate Corey Feldman as much as I do?

Because otherwise your primitive idiot systems wouldn't be able to reach me, and send me wonderful spam in foreign languages.

And I'll assume yes.

Campaign Ad

On the advice of my Campaign Manager, an ad was written, set up, and shot. This is the result.

He's fired now.

Notes from the Trail

Been heavy on the campaign trail. Will be a short post today. Should have something special ready on Friday.

Just clearing up a couple comments today.

Bonecrusher, I've got a quick question about your thoughts on Health Care. Say some human had a headache and wanted to get rid of it. Would they still be able to buy medicine from a random store to get rid of said headache or would you get rid of all medicine from those stores, too?

Hey, I don't care, as long as your not spending government money, which can be used for more useful purposes. Like bombs.

Bonecrusher, have you faced any opposition from the enemy in your political efforts?

Are the Autobots speaking out against you? Surely your hate is not going unchecked with all of these "good guys" slinking around on this planet, too? Are do they realize that Bonecrusher is the future of this great nation.

I've gotten harassed by a couple of Autobots who can't believe I'm doing this. Also some Decepticons. But a few punches show them my point of view, and a few more put them off line.

Also, I got another one that's REALLY important: Is your Hate Blog official Transformers canon? If it is, we on Teletraan I-the TF wiki can have a page just for you! The REAL you. I hope this is canon! Please answer. Bye!

An official Transformer Cannon would be Galvatron. He's the one that turns into a cannon. Not me. If you insist on having a wiki about me, you can, but if I see anything that isn't exactly right, I will run over and beat the slag outta all of you.

You would definately be able to shape the world better if you controlled the whole world rather than just one country.

You are correct, but alas, one thing at a time. Stepping stones, and slag like that. This is something Starscream never learned, and I have watched his mistakes. And laughed. Primus, did I laugh.

Hey, I say help that Frank Agogo guy out. That kind of money could help your campaign. Come on go for it. There's nothing fishy about that one. It's all in your head.

You make a persuasive argument.

Why the heck do you need Frank's cash? If candidates just posted stuff on free boards and on youtube, they wouldn't need lots of advertising money.

You make a persuasive argument.

It's time to settle this one in pure Decepticon fashion, provided I can find a coin to flip.

The Canidate For Hating You

Let's see what the email box has today...

Dear Bonecrusher,

I see you have found other ways to pass the time. How does Megatron and Starscream feel about your decision in attempting to run for president? You know if your elected (which you never will be) you will only be controlling one country, hardly a Decepticon move. Wouldn't you rather have control of the whole world? Oh well, whatever makes you happy. I guess you have to get what you think you can get.....which isn't much. By the way, I do believe I saw a pastel pink Bonecrusher toy the other day...just in time for Easter. How sweet.

-Jazz

Neither of them care. Their more concerned with destroying all humans rather than leading them. Me? I can do both.

As for controlling merely one country, it's a stepping stone.

And I don't believe you on that Easter thing. You're lying. And if your not, then I'm shifting one of my Campaign promises to 'Nuke Hasbro.' Which was kinda the plan anyway...

Hey Bonecrusher,

I was just looking over your blog's previous posts (again), and came across the recorded chat you had with Starscream regarding his "fangirl" problem (the way you owned him was priceless, and I commend you for that). After looking at this conversation, I thought to myself: "I wonder if Bonecrusher had any other chats like this one with his fellow Decepticons, and if he happened to record those too?"

I typically don't, so I only had that one on file. But if anybody happens to chat with me in the future, I'll be sure to record them for posterity.

From Frank Agogo
Abidjan,Cote d'Ivoire
West Africa,

Greetings in the name of God.

My name is Frank Agogo from Sierra Leone. My father and I escaped from our country at the heat of the civil war ,As a result of the political instability in my country even after the war,My father established his cocoa and coffee export business in Abidjan,Ivory Coast.He was in Buake, a northern city to negotiate for the purchase of a cocoaplantation when he was shot and killed by the rebel troupes fighting to takeover the government of the country on the 22nd September, 2002. The death of my father has now made me an orphan and there by exposing me to danger.

Before the unfortunate death, My late father had in his personal account with a bank here the sum of $2.5m. As a result of the present in security of lives and property in this country,
I wish request that you assist me use your account in your country to transfer the balance of my father's account. Again to assist me with a letter of invitation that will make me get a visa to your country for residence inorder for me to continue our education and to invest the fund in a viable business venture.

I and the rest of my family have decieded to give you 10% of the total sum for your kind assistance,while 5% has been marked for any expenses like phone calls,the world is full of bad people please i am not saying you are bad person but consider that this is money and how the money was gotten,it is inheritace and last hope,If this is acceptable to you,Then reply me as soon as you get this message,so that we can discuss further on this matter.

Thanks and GOD bless us.
Frank Agogo.

Hey, with that kind of money, I can get enough to run an excellent Campaign. Hillary would have NOTHING on me! Wait... why is he contacting a former Decepticon warrior for this process rather then someone who cares? Something smells just a tad fishy...

Nah. What's the worst that could happen?

Issues

There are a lot of issues this campaign. Here are some easy soundbytes for the press to lord over as if they actually meant something.

-Iraq: As I have mentioned before, my policy toward Iraq, Iran, North Korea, China and anybody else stupid enough to annoy me is to make liberal use of nuclear weapons, and pretty much glass entire continents. With me, you will not have to worry about prolonged wars. I'll get the job done fast.

-Health Care: My policy towards Health Care is to disband it. All of it. If you get sick and you can't get better on your own, tough. Your species didn't get to where it was by being a bunch of sissies about having a cold. In the old days, you let them die. I fully embrace a return to that policy.

-Taxes: You have too much money as it is, and you waste on stupid things, like stimulating the economy. Pft. I'll put your money to a much better use - more nukes. It's a policy for a new age.

-Abortion, Gay Marriage, Religion in Schools, Religion in General, Ect. - Hey, even *I'm* not dumb enough to touch those topics.

-Environmental Protection - I recommend dumping vast amounts of nuclear wastes into the ocean. If we're lucky, something will mutate, crawl on land, and wipe the whole darn planet out.

-Rising Gas Prices - It may surprise you to find that I am for forcibly lowering them, by way of violence against gas companies. Why? Because it annoys me when I'm driving along and need to fuel up and have to pay about 4000 dollars to fuel my tank. It's why I mostly walk these days.

-Republicans and Democrats - All leaders of both parties will be rounded up and executed. I'm sure we can all agree that this measure isn't all that harsh.

If I didn't answer your issue, email me or leave a comment.

Personal Emails

Taking a day off the campaign trail to handle some old business, then back on the road. I plan to hit the 'key' states sometime this week, and I do mean 'hit' literally.

Bonecrusher,

I read the email that was in Portuguese and a thought just hit me. Have you ever considered trying to post something in the Cybertronian language on your blog? Chances are, there isn't a single human on Earth that knows that language so no one can understand what you're writing. You could send the idiot that sent that email something insulting and he wouldn't even have the translation websites to help!
I've found many ways to tick people off and one of them is speaking in a language they don't know is a classic! Try a yes or no question like "Do you think you are intelligent?" in Chinese or something and then in English tell them, "Respond: yes or no."

You don't have to though. It's just a thought to consider.
And I have one other question that's really eating at me...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING LOOKING AT NAKED HUMANS?!?!? THAT'S SO PERVERTED!! YOU SICKO!!!

-Veronique

=_-==_-----_-____====-_----=_--_---_=_--=_------==___---------!

There, I just swore at you in Cybertronian. Are you happy now?
And who's looking at naked humans? I sure as heck ain't. Don't be inventing any scandals on me or I'll Teapot Dome your tailgate all the way to Watergate and Whitewater and Back.

O great and superbly cool Crusher of Bones,

I’m fairly certain you hate flattery.

I thought you would like (or at least not hate) knowing that you are my second-favorite-movie-character-other-than-the-leaders. That means that I always like Prime & Megs best, no matter what. Before you comes Barricade, who is right in thinking he is so “fabulous.” Though I’d prefer just plain AWESOME.

I like you cuz you hate everything. Which I think is funny. Soon I will purchase your toy and Barricade’s toy. You’re the only ones from the movie I don’t have yet.

Anyway, enough about me.

1) Will you be resurrected for the sequel?
2) Do you think “Jungle Bonecrusher” is a piece o’ no good scrap?
3) What is your… uh… least hatededed food?
4) Do you hate cats or dogs less?
5) Can you really roller-skate?
6) Did it hurt to catch fire or smash through the bus?
And finally, The Burning Question:
7) What in the name of PRIMUS did you really say?!?

I’m absolutely sure I heard “Move!” (to the bus) “Take that, Autobot!” (to Prime) & “I HATE YOU!” (to Prime and... well everything and everyone else)

Yours…uh… Hatefully,

Kremzeek!

I'm glad you're wasting money on bad representations of me in shoddy plastic quality. You keep doing that.
1) Apparently NOT. I hate that. Which is why, as President, the first thing I'll do is publically execute Michael Bay (and if that doesn't get me some support, nothing will.)
2) Do you need to ask?
3) Brussel Sprouts. At least they're honest about tasting awful.
4) Cats. They hate everyone just as much as I do, while dogs are disgusting bundles of love.
5) Better than you can, Sparky.
6) YES!
7) None of your business. Also the word 'Hate'.

hi bonecrusher!!! my name is brianna and i just want to tell you that i hate alot of things too. so your not alone. and that i like you. and tell sound wave and the other decepticons that i said hi. alright? i'm evil. you wanna know why? cause right now i'm on the computer and i'm not suposed to be, ( cause my grades suck in math). i hate math, not my greatest subject. grrrr. the people in that class bugg me!!! all they ever do is fight amungst one another and get detention. i hate that. don't you hate it when people do that right in the middle of something? gnnnrrrrrrrr. i wish you could come to my school and kill them all. except for my friends. i like my friends. starscream is such a coward. at the end of the Bay movie he's flying off back to cybertron. :P

ps: I <3 U!!!
pss: i'll vote for ya!!!!!

There are words in this email, but I do not understand them. The internet translators to not help me. I am confused.

Wait, is that supposed to be a 'I *heart* you' at the end there? Wow. I think we all know my response to this one.

And I'm not sure I *want* this vote.

Campaign Promises

I've got a pair of personal emails I'll respond too Wednesday. But for now, more on my bid for President. Remember, you can trust me to hate this job!

Q: If you do become president, who's going to be vice-president?
A: Whoever I can trust to stay out of the freaken way. I was thinking Brawl. Because he likes hurting things as much as I do, and similarity is a MUST in ever campaign. Plus he'll appeal to the 'green guy' vote.

Q:You need to campaign more. Make yourself known. Make appearances, get to know your fellow people...
A: I'll campaign when I'm slagging good and ready to. And I don't want to get to know you fleshbags, I know way too much about you already!

Q: A Decepticon for president of America, better than an Autobot.
A: Yes.

Q: Mr. Crusher, before deciding if I should support you or simply be crushed into paste, I must ask your opinion on the current NAFTA rules.

A: I hate the National Autobots Freedom from Tyranny Association. That movement lead to the downfall of Megatron's great empire, so I recommend that anyone who had been a part of it be shot.

Or are you talking about a different NAFTA?

Q: Bonecrusher, what are your positions on the issues?
-War on Terror
-Iraq
-Economy

-Bears (#1 threat to America)
-Environment
-Legal status of Mini-cons
-Diplomatic relations with other nations
-Diplomatic relations with other planets (Jungle Planet, Speed Planet, Giant Planet, Cybertron....)

A:
-War on Terror: I'm for War, and I'm for Terror, so I must be for it. I think.
-Iraq: Nuke it.
-Economy: Nuke it.
-Bears: Ever since the Academy Awards, I've hated bears more then most other things, so I will institute a law that says all bears should be shot on sight. Preferably painfully.
-Environment: Nuke it.
-Legal Status of Minicons: Now, I don't want to appear racist - in fact, some of my best friends are Minicons (snicker), but I hate them, and they should all end up under my heel.
-Diplomatic Relations with Other Countries: Nuke em.
-Diplomatic Relations with Other Planets: I submit that we should begin construction on the moon, turning it into what I would like to call a "death star", or perhaps, if that name is taken, "Unicron."

Q: And also - the U.S Constitution says that you must be born in the United States to be president. How do you handle that?
A: I can claim my vehicle mode was manufactured in the US. And if that doesn't work, well, then screw it.

GOT A QUESTION THAT WASN'T ANSWERED?
We are not surprised. Comment or Email, you twits.

Vote Hate, 08

After thinking long and hard about this, and talking with my new campaign manager (Blackout) I have reached an inescapable conclusion that has led to an inevitable decision, one that I know I'm going to regret.

Your planet is in desperate need of a real leader, and none of you humans are truly fit for the job. You are plagued by war, disease, famine and who-knows-what else. These are dark times for your planet. You wander through life guideless, trying desperately to please everyone around you, and for what? Petty personal advancement?

It's time your species changed.

Which is why I, Bonecrusher, have decided to run for President of the United States.

A vote for me is a vote for integrity. I do this not because I want the job (and you can rest assured about that fact - because I'd hate it), but because I feel a deep need to whip your species into shape. Your species need a uniter, and I will be that uniter (because those who oppose me won't live very long).

A vote for me is a vote for someone you can trust to be consistent (hate), to stand up for his principals (hate), and to always be completely honest. I will never lie. I will never suck up to any group; I will tell them exactly what I think of their stupid ideas.

A vote for me is a vote for strength and security. I guarantee that all wars on your planet will end shortly after I come to office, by my own fist, if I have too. Unlike other cowardly Presidents of the past, I will make sure this happens personally. I will have no tolerance for lawbreakers and rebels, and you can rest assured that anyone defying me will be pummeled into submission. I will also make sure no foreign (by which I mean extraterrestrial) threats will bother Earth, by conquering Quintessa, just in case they try anything.

A vote for me is a vote for change. Real change. You will not be able to recognize this planet once I'm through with it. Things will change, and clearly for the better.

A vote for me is a vote against evil lobbying groups. I will not accept their money - I have no need for such a thing. Instead, I will kill them. I vote for me is a vote for dead lobbyists. And who doesn't want more of those? Lawyers too. Instead of being influenced by lobbyists, all decisions will be made solely on the basis of which side I hate more. I can assure you I will see all negatives to all issues presented to me.

A vote for me is a vote for experience. I've been around far longer than any human has ever been, and I have seen far more. Be assured, you will not be letting someone with a mere 60 years of life under their belt into the office, but one who has lasted for thousands of years.

Why settle for the lesser of all evils? Vote for Bonecrusher this November, and bring about a change in the World.

If you are saying to yourself 'Bonecrusher, your ideas make sense to me. How can I help?', then you need more help than I thought. Please send all your money to me, and help raise the chances of getting someone you know will hate you into office. If you have no money, at least spread this around the internet, and get the word out! Hey, it worked for Howard Dean, didn't it?

Election Thingy's

Really, Democracy is a silly concept. Look down the street sometime. See that fat guy munching a candy bar? See that woman with the overapplied makeup. See the college kid running over children with his car? See all these people? Then ask yourself, do you [i]really[/i] want their opinion influencing the government?

I thought not.

So you humans have a big election coming this year. The nominee for one side is an old guy, and for the other side it's either the college student or the former president's wife. Diverse selection you have there. All of them are stupid.

Of course, you have to be careful talking about politics. Because if you say something negative about a politician, the secret service will descend on you like a ticked off Regulan Metal Monger. And I can tell you from experience that you do NOT want a ticked off Regulan Metal Monger coming at you. You actually don't want one coming at you period. But that's another blog.

Anyway, come November, you humans will come out of your hovels and vote for someone based on their compartive stance on topical issues, by which I mean 'whoever seems nicer'. This is really no basis for a system of government. After all, if a bunch of Warrior Zermarkians land on Earth and challenge your leader to a duel, who are you gonna send out? The old guy, the wife, or the college student? Yeah, they'll beat a Zemark Warrior Prince. I hope you guys like being slaves.

What you humans need is a REAL leader. I'll ask Megatron, but I don't think he'll be very keen.

Heck, *I* would make a better leader than your current choices.




Hrmm.....

Rustin Away

When we first landed on Earth, one of the most unfortunate shocks to us was liquid water. We'd encountered H2O in it's ice forms many times, but liquid was new - and more specifically, the long term reaction it caused with our platings. Yes, I mean rust.

A rust spot developed on me late Friday, and now the slagging thing Won't. Go. Away. It's made me even angrier than usual, but at the same time made it so that I don't want to do anything. Ever had something do that to you? Yeah? Well I slagging HATE IT.

So, I'll just sit here and mope for awhile, this rust rash on my side, rubbing it with rust repellent that doesn't work. It is obnoxious. I just hope it doesn't turn out to be Cosmic Rust. But with my luck, it will be.

Cosmic Rust is technically an organic being that feeds on Cybertronian metal. And it reproduces quickly, and spreads throughout Cybertronian colonies. We had a big plauge with it a couple thousand years ago. Not pleasant. Was kinda amusing to see Starscream moping about it though. It 'ruined his good looks'. And for that, I thanked Primus. Starscream looks about as good as a Regulan Metal Mongers behind.

I'm going to have to crawl over to Ratchet's to get some treatment for this. I hate doing that too. Wish we had a Decepticon doctor here on Earth. But we don't. Cause I think I might have killed him. Maybe shouldn't have done that. Ah well.